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[fic] The price of love is a Spaghetti Bolognese
Title: The price of love is a Spaghetti Bolognese
Author: Dr. Susan Calvin
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Characters: Chibitalia, Austria, Hungary, HRE, Spain, Prussia, Russia, Greece, Bulgaria, France and a cat.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Crack. Pure, utter crack. And Spain and France have a thing for little nations...
Summary: Austria decides that since Chibitalia isn't much good as a maid, he'll earn his keep otherwise. Inspired from Spain, he decides to pimp him out to all of Europe! Will Italy ever understand what he is meant to do? Will Spain ever afford a night with Romano? And what happens when the Holy Roman Empire discovers what's going on?
Note: Originally written for the kink-meme. Now with a lot less spelling errors!
I love comments! Gimme, please ^_^
The price of love is a Spaghetti Bolognese
Two nations were sitting outside a small Viennese inn, although only one of them seemed to be even remotely enjoying his wine.
"It's horrible," Spain moaned into his glass, "now we are in so much debt that my boss is even forcing me to... Oh, no, I can not speak of it! My poor little Italia!"
"What do you mean?" Austria asked. "Has your boss finally managed to find a way to extract something useful from those lazy Italians?"
"No, no," Spain shook his head, "I'll not spread his shame further!"
Austria's eyes gleamed in a decidedly unfriendly way behind his steel-rimmed spectacles. "Oh no?" he purred. "And what if I demand prompt payment of those little loans...?"
"You wouldn't!"
"Try me. If you dare."
With a deep sigh, Spain sunk down into an even more miserable heap. How did he end up in these situations? The wine he had drunk, currently his fourth bottle, might have something to do with it of course.
"Ah, you're a cruel country, Austria! See, Italy Romano was rude to me couple a days ago an' the boss overheard. So, then he says conquered nations oughtta know their place."
"I like him already," Austria said with a cold smile.
"And then... and then, then he said!" Spain shuddered. "Oh, the saints preserve him, my poor innocent little Italia!"
Now, Austria had never been the most patient man around and he had already listened to Spain moan his way through an entire afternoon. This was truly the end of his endurance for self-pity. "Well, tell! What did your boss decide?"
"Said the boy oughtta put his mouth to better use! An' now he's forcing my poor Romany to walk the streets, like some cheep tart!" Spain finished with a howl of sorrow.
Well. That was a bit more drastic than Austria had expected. He opened his mind to inquire whether the scheme had become a financial success or not, when a teary-eyed Spain said,
"And the worst thing? I'm too poor to buy even half an hour with him! When there's practically a line around the block!"
A-ha.
"So tell me Spain, exactly how did you convince your boy to agree to this, hmm?"
"So there you have it, Ita-chan. In this household, everyone has to help out. Now that your older brother is becoming a useful little nation as well, I think the time has come for you too to take responsibility," Austria finished his explanation.
The small nation of Italy looked adorably clueless. Why hadn't he thought of this before, Austria idly wondered. That cute, vacant stare. The girlish voice, coupled with a blushing innocence; his Ita-chan would have an incredible allure on the perverts of Europe.
"So, if I do what they want, I get pasta?" Ita-chan said, focusing on the one part he had understood.
"Exactly." Austria nodded. "If you keep it up one week, I will personally call over an Italian chef to make you the finest pasta in my empire!"
"Ohh..." Poor Italy had been pasta-starved for years and years and yeeeeaaars. "Okay, Austria, then I'll-"
"Stop!" Hungary cried, finally unable to hold her peace. "Mister Austria, please, you can't do this to Ita-chan. How can you be so cruel to a child?"
"I am not cruel," Austria said, "I'm practical."
Cuddling the small nation close, Hungary glared at Austria. "Begging your pardon, mister Austria, but you are being blinded by greed! Ita-chan doesn't even understand what he's agreeing to, do you my dear?"
Italy looked even more worried and thus exponentially cuter. "There are people who want to touch me and want me to touch them... and after everyone is done, they'll be happy and I'll get pasta?"
"See?" Hungary said.
"He'll learn by experience," Austria snapped and pushed up his glasses. "Frankly, Hungary, I have been feeding this freeloader who can barely - barely, I say! - hold a broom for too long already. If he doesn't start working tomorrow, there'll be no food for Ita-chan whatsoever!"
"No, no, please Austria! I'll be a good Italy! Please let me walk on the streets and touch people happily!"
"Don't worry. You will soon have your chance..."
[Day One]
The sun was shining, the birds where trilling and a morose Italy was walking the northern areas of Austria looking for people to Se dulce, as Austria wanted.
His master nation had muttered something about "keeping up appearances" and told him not to work near Vienna. But there was one big problem keeping him from a pasta-filled future. There were hardly any people here!
"Hello, little bird," he asked one feathered little bard, "do you know anyone with money who wants to become happy with me?" The bird only chirped at him and then flew off.
At least big sis Hungary had given him a pretty new dress. It was all pink and ruffly! He just wondered why she had kept sniffling and hugging him all the time.
"Perhaps she knew that I wouldn't find anyone," Italy sighed, "and then I won't get any pasta."
Oh, that thought was horrible! When he could almost taste the smell of fresh pasta with ripe tomatoes and the sauces, oh there were so many wonderful pasta sauces in Italy...
"But I can't clean and I can't sew and I can't sell myself and now Austria won't give me any food at all! Waaaaahhh~"
"Ey, what're you crying about, shrimp?"
Italy jumped at least two feet when he heard another voice resound through the empty mountain valleys. He cowered in fright as the owner of the rough voice approached, but couldn't help peeking through his fingers. There, Italy saw pair of shiny black cavalry boots and the tip of a sword, before he was grabbed by the collar and hoisted into the air.
"Why, if it isn't Ita-chan!" A big red-eyed, white-haired nation smiled at him. After a moment of terror (was someone going to steal him again?) Italy remembered Hungary's description of a seldom-visiting member of their household.
"P- Prussia?"
"That's right. What are you doing here, hmm?" Prussia asked and grinned even wider. "Not trying to run away, I hope."
"Oh no. No!" Italy shook his head violently. "I'm here to sell my body! Do you want to buy it?"
Thump! Italy dropped to the ground and, oww-ing all the while, looked up at Prussia with hurt eyes. Now what had he done wrong?
For a moment, it looked as if Prussia had eaten something horrible. His mouth fell open and he became a funny red color in the face, seeming to choke on the air. Then he recovered with gusto.
"WHAT!?"
Shivering in fear, Italy explained.
Unfortunately, Prussia did not say 'Of course I'll help you get pasta, you adorable little nation' and pet his hair (Italy wasn't certain how you touched someone 'good', but he had liked it when Grandpa Rome ruffled his hair) so he could eat pasta. Instead, he began walking around in a circle, cursing Austria.
"But," Italy tried, "I agreed! I'll get pasta for it!"
"I'll give him some bloody pasta, up his bloody ass! Perverted child-molesting asshole!"
"No," he begged, "please don't fight with Austria."
For a moment, Prussia looked as if he was about to become all scary again, then he crouched down until the two nations were looking at each other face to face.
"Listen here, Ita-chan. Austria is doing a bad, bad thing. I can't stop him, yet… but I'll go get someone who can."
"But my pas-"
"Kiddo, trust me. Even if it's hard to believe, there are things more important in life than pasta."
This was a statement Italy was very suspicious of. "Really?"
The older nation just laughed. "I know getting into trouble with Austria is no fun, so here," he gave Italy a small but heavy purse, "just tell him you met a man you didn't recognize, who bought you for this."
"Oh thank you! But... shouldn't I touch you then?"
Prussia blushed. For a moment, he looked very much like his younger brother. Then he put a large hand on Italy's head and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. "There."
"Thank you, Prussia!" Italy said happily. "You're just as nice as the Holy Roman Empire."
Prussia mock-frowned. "'mnotnice," he mumbled, his blush deepening. "But, listen up!"
"Yes?"
"There's one thing you must do. Avoid the French border, you hear me?"
Austria had said yesterday that he thought big brother France might be interested. However, he'd also hurried to say, when Hungary glowered at him in a particularly dark way, that Italy should wait to go to France until he had more experience.
"Okay, I won't!" Italy promised, telling himself that if he just stayed away for a while, this wasn't really a fib.
"Great!" Prussia pushed his hat back at a jaunty angle and turned to go. "Keep out of trouble for a few days, Ita-chan. I'll get someone who'll fix this for you!"
"Okay. Thank you for the money, Prussia! Bye-bye!" Italy turned to walk homewards to Vienna, happy with the day's earnings.
Sometime later, he was back at the Holy Roman Empire's house and Austria hurried to inspect the contents of Prussia's purse. Although, of course, Italy made sure not to tell him whom he had received the money from.
"Not bad for your first customer, Ita-chan," Austria said when he was done. "But really, you could only find one buyer..." He trailed off as he felt Hungary's tear-filled but increasingly furious glare bear down on him. She was really forgetting her place here, he thought.
"I had to walk really far," Italy complained, "and there were hardly any people there!"
"There's always France," Austria said. "Hm."
Perhaps if he showed Hungary that their little maid wasn't suffering from this - his grandpa had been a well-known hedonist, after all - she would forgive him. "Well done," he said and mustered a kindly smile. "This is a good start. I will ask them to give you an extra helping of food tonight."
"Thank you, Austria!" Italy said happily. Yay, more dinner for him!
"It didn't. You know, hurt?" Austria asked carefully.
Italy shook his head happily. Even if Prussia had looked a little scary, he had been really nice in the end.
"There, you see, Hungary? Out Ita-chan is doing just fine!"
Hungary didn't say anything, only stomped off and muttered something about weeding the yard. Oh well, she'd get over it, Austria was certain.
"But I expect you to bring in at least a bit more than this tomorrow, do you understand, Ita-chan?"
"But Austriaaaaaa~"
"No whining! Spain was just telling me," sobbing brokenly was more like it, "that your brother manages at least twenty customers each day!"
[Day Two]
The next day, Italy headed north-east. Hungary had absolutely forbidden him from going into her land and since he promised Prussia not to go to France, he decided to walk in the other direction.
Soon, the valleys and mountains of Austria's lands gave way to golden fields of wheat. There were a lot of farmers around, but none of them had money to buy Italy.
"My feet hurt," Italy whined to the small spring he was resting at. "I've walked and walked all day and I can't find anyone! Soon I'll probably come to the North pole."
"Oh no," a soft voice called from behind him, "the North pole is still very far away. Why, you haven't even reached my home yet, little one."
Italy looked around. Behind him was a very tall, but gentle-looking nation. "Hello," he said, "how do you do? I am Italy."
"Hi. I'm Russia," the other nation said, "and this is my horse. We just stopped to drink here, and then I saw you, child."
"Hi Russia's horse." Italy waved at the horse. "Um, is this your country, Russia?"
Russia smiled. "In the end, all countries will be mine... But, right now it belongs to some friends of mine. I'm looking for them, in fact."
"I see. I live with Austria and the Holy Roman Empire and big sis Hungary."
That made Russia open his eyes wide in surprise. "Then what are you doing here?" he asked, "It is not like Austria to let his family wander off too far."
"Uhm, well," Italy fidgeted a little, "I'm working as a maid there. But I'm not very good..."
The horse had finished drinking and was starting to nip at the grass, so Russia plopped down besides Italy. "There are some things I'm not very good at either, little one," he confided. "Always, I try to keep my friends close, but they leave me. Then I become sad."
"Oh, that must be lonely," Italy said. "My brother is living with Spain now and my grandpa has disappeared. I wonder where he went..."
"Poor little Italy. Families should be together."
"I have one very good friend," Italy continued, "but he has to go out and fight a lot nowadays. I'm worried about the Holy Roman Empire, I wish he stayed home and painted with me instead."
"Ah, the angry little boy, yes? I think I have met him some time."
"But, Russia!"
"Yes, little one?"
So excited was Italy, that the words almost stumbled over each other falling from his mouth. "I have a new work now. Austria wants me to sell myself, he said that will make people happy. So if I sell me to you, then you'll be less lonely and I'll get money and maybe everyone will stop fighting so much. And then Austria will feed me delicious pasta!"
Blink. Blink.
"Don't you think that's a great idea?"
"Well," the larger nation began, "if he really wants to sell you, I do have a nice big home..."
"No, silly," Italy laughed, "not like that. We just, like, do things for an hour or so that feel nice."
Austria had specifically made clear that he was not to spend more than one hour with each customer, without demanding extra payment.
"Are you telling me the truth, little one?"
"Yes. I sold myself to Prussia yesterday, but I think he was in a hurry because he only gave me one kiss. But," Italy hurried to say, "I can give you many more nice touches."
For a moment, Russia looked very serious. It made him look a lot older, and a bit sad too so Italy thought it was a good idea that he would soon cheer Russia up. Then, the other nation's smile slid back onto his face, only now Italy thought it looked a bit odd. It was like when Grandpa Rome had said that his scars didn't hurt and Italy should just go on playing, almost. Italy just hoped Russia wasn't hurting anywhere!
"Okay, little one. Maybe you can tell me a story of your country?" Russia tilted his head and the smile grew a bit warmer. "I heard it is very sunny and pretty."
"Sure! Should I touch you somehow?"
"This is good, I think." Russia opened his thick coat and laid down with his head in Italy's lap. "I love to hear about warm places," he whispered, and smiled up at the small nation. "And I think I like you!"
So Italy told all the stories he could remember that Grandpa Rome used to tell, as well as some about his and Romano's adventures when they had still been together. After a while, Russia took his small hand in his own, which was very large and cool, and held it softly.
"...and then they lived happily ever after!" Italy finished the latest story. He was beginning to get tired in the throat and the sun was slowly sinking beneath the horizon. "Russia, I think I have to go home now," he said with a yawn.
"Mmm, I have to go too, if I am ever to find my friends." Russia got up and took out some money. "Here you go, child; the stories were very nice."
"Thank you so much," Italy gushed. Wow, this was even more money than yesterday!
"When I have taken care of my business here," Russia called as he rode away, "I will come and visit you, little Italy! I want to show you my house soon!"
"Do that!" Italy said and waved happily. "I want to hear your stories too!"
Then he turned around and looked southwards. Oh dear, it was a very long way to go. Maybe some nice farmer could him a ride for a bit of the way?
"Ita-chan! Oh my dear Ita-chan, where have you been?" Hungary cried, as the young nation finally stumbled home well after midnight.
"Ita-chan..." Austria was looking slightly more wide-eyed than usual. When he realized that Italy was unhurt, he quickly hid the lantern he had brought to go search for his lost maid. "Where have you been? Do you know what time it is!"
"Sorry," Italy mumbled and yawned, "it went dark so quickly and then I got lost..."
"Come, dear," Hungary said, "some hot milk will do you good!" She fussed over Italy in a manner Austria soon began to find excessive, but he kept silent until she went to prepare Italy's bed.
"Did you at least earn something today? Look how much you made Hungary worry."
"Ve?" It was a very tired little nation sitting in front of Austria.
"I asked if you earned something, Ita-chan."
"Oh... Mmhm." Italy fumbled with his apron a little and then brought up the money.
"Good work, Ita-chan," Austria said, "this looks like quite the -" the coins spilled out on the table and Austria's smile froze.
"It's ready for you now, Ita-chan," Hungary called as she came back, "so let's get you into bed." She looked between the two, wondering what had changed between the asleep in his chair Italy and the trembling Austria. "Is everything all right, Mister Austria?"
"WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU CARRYING RUSSIAN MONEY?"
[Day Three]
Italy was so exhausted that he didn't wake up until after noon. However, since Austria was busy with a frenzied reorganization of his defenses (shifting them further east, for some reason) he took no notice.
In the evening, Austria looked down on a very meager stack of copper coins and gave an annoyed little huff. "Is this truly all Ita-chan earned today?"
Hungary nodded. "He woke up late," she said, staring at her feet.
"At least he hasn't been lazing about all day! But he'll have to do better tomorrow."
This time, Hungary said nothing, only clenched her apron tighter. Her own wages were very low, but she just hadn't had the heart to send poor Ita-chan out when he looked so piteously upon her. Oh, if only the Holy Roman Empire could come home soon and put a stop to this idiotic scheme! But he was involved in some stupid war in some stupid place nobody even really knew where and Hungary didn't have enough to bribe someone to send a message and keep quit about it before Austria.
[Day Four]
Today, Italy had been woken at dawn by an almost enthusiastic Austria. "The Ottomans! Why didn't I think of that, they're supposed to like little boys. And they have lots of money too."
Thus it was decided that Italy would go to the Ottoman Empire. He could even get a ride part of the way with some traders.
"Greece is a nice country, Ita-chan," Hungary whispered to him while she was packing some lunch for him. "He's living with the Ottoman now. See if you can find him first!"
Italy promised to be back before dark and left with the travelers, waving to Hungary until she disappeared behind a hilltop. Mm, good thing he was small enough to sleep among the stacks of fine fabric leaving Vienna.
"Hello?" he called into a grove of olive trees about an hour after he had been dropped off by the tradesmen. "Is there anyone called Greece here?"
No nation showed up, but two sleepy-looking cats blinked at Italy with cool green eyes.
"Hi, kitties," Italy said. "Do you like dried fish? Hungary gave some to me, but i think it tastes really bad..."
The cats did in fact like dried fish. After they had eaten, they rubbed themselves against his legs and purred loudly.
"Oh! You are so cute kitties! Say, you don't know where Greece is?"
The largest cat seemed to consider for a moment, then hopped down on the pavement. It gave Italy a clear 'come on then, so I can go back to my much more important business of cat-napping'-look and Italy happily followed.
Quite soon, they came upon two nations. One lay sleeping, with at least four cats sprawled over him, while the other was throwing small sticks at him.
"Stop that," the nation on the ground said sleepily.
"Hahaha! Here come the troops of Alexander the Great!" A large pine cone almost hit one of the cats.
"He was Macedonian, you moron."
"So? Macedonia is pretty much mine today. And don't call me moron, moron."
"Ehm, excuse me..." Italy said, but the two nations paid him no attention.
"Hah!" The first nation lifted a kitty off his face and stuck his tongue out at the pine-cone-throwing one. "You belong to the Turk, so there." He had a very cute curl, which Italy thought looked a little as if his and Romano's curls were sitting back to back and sleeping.
"So do you!" the second nation retaliated and poked him on the nose with a stick.
"Excuse me?" Italy asked again.
This time, his guiding cat meowed regally, and the bickering nations turned around.
"Ehh? Who's this little guy?"
"Hi!" Italy said and smiled as bravely as he could. "I'm Italy. I live with Austria, the Holy Roman Empire and big sis Hungary."
"Hullo. I'm Greece," the nation with the curl said.
"And I'm the amazing Bulgaria! What're you doing here, squirt?"
"I came to sell my body! Austria said I should go to the Ottoman empire, but big sis Hungary thought I should look for Greece instead."
Greece twitched a little. "Wha- what? Why did she say that!"
"Ahaha, everyone knows you like boys, Greece!"
"Oh why don't you just 'bugger off', idiot!"
"Why you-"
Oh dear, Italy thought, this didn't look very promising. "Big sis Hungary said that it was because Greece was nice," he offered.
"Really?"
"Yes," Italy said, "she doesn't like that Austria makes me sell my body." He hadn't quite understood why she didn't like it, but since Hungary always looked out for him, he wanted to please her as much as possible.
Bulgaria scratched his head. "Yeah, you look awfully small for this kind of work... Come on, kiddo, give us the whole story."
After Italy had finished telling the two nations, Greece declared that he absolutely needed a kitten of his own. Meanwhile, Bulgaria decided that the damned Austrian might be worse than the damned Ottoman. Possibly. Slightly. Almost as bad, at least.
"So, do any of you want to buy me?" Italy said and played with his new cat. It was cute and brown and he wondered if the Holy Roman Empire wanted to help him think of a name.
"Sorry," Bulgaria said. "Can't help."
"See, we're both broke," Greece said, "we have to pay a lot of taxes."
"Oh..." Now what was he supposed to do? "I'll have to go on then."
"No!"
"You shouldn't!"
Both nations began talking at once, mainly about what a horrible person the Ottoman Empire was and how Austria was just being a silly, greedy person.
Then Greece said the magic word (not pasta, the other one. One of the other ones) and Italy realized that he really ought to stay. "Why don't you just join us for dinner?"
"Dinner?"
"Yeah, we have awesome food," Bulgaria agreed. "Have you ever had baklava?"
"Or moussaka?"
"Oh, you have to try my homemade yoghurt!"
"And ouzo!"
"She's a bit small for that, don't you think?"
"More ouzo for us then... But the olives are ripe now, you can try those, Italy."
"Thank you so much!" Italy was almost teary-eyed from gratitude. Food! That was even better than money. "Let me see what you have, maybe I can cook some Italian food as thank you?"
"Sounds great," Bulgaria laughed. "Come on, lazyass," he told Greece and gave the other man a hand to help him rise.
"Shut up, you idiot. Besides, Hungary said Italy should come to me for help."
"Ah, but where would you be without me?"
"Much better off..."
[Day Five]
"I'm sorry, Austria."
"You'd better be! You wasted an entire day and you didn't even earn one dinar!"
"But, but I got a kitty?"
"Oh yes, excellent," Austria snapped, "because one more mouth to feed is just what we need in this household."
"It's a cute kitty..."
The spectacled nation had been lecturing Italy ever since he got home from Greece. While he was forced to accept that it was really too far to go to Turkey, if that's where the Ottoman Empire was currently residing (and had planned to stay for a while, according to Greece and Bulgaria), he still saw no reason for Italy to give up that easily.
When he got home, Italy found himself shut up in the familiar dark room, but since he was well-filled from the de~licious picknick, this hadn't bothered him much. That Austria was still very upset the next day, however, did.
Sighing, Austria went down on a knee in front of the small nation. "Look, Ita-chan," he said, "you have to understand that I'm not just making you do this because I think it's fun."
"I know, Austria," Italy said and looked down at his toes, cradling his cat close. "I have to earn money."
"Yes, but do you know why?" As the small nation opened his mouth to answer, Austria quickly cut him off. "And the answer is not to buy pasta!"
"Um... then I don't know."
Getting up, Austria strode over to his desk. "See here, Ita-chan, look at this map."
Italy looked at the map. It was mappy.
"This is the Holy Roman Empire, which we're all part of."
"Wow, it's a big house!"
"Yes, and you know the problem with big houses? They're expensive to run. And because our little wannabe empire spends all his time fighting or making cows-eyes at you, who do you think has to take care of the finances? And, frankly, everything else here."
"Um... Austria?"
"That's right." Austria ran a hand through his hair, which Italy found very amusing, because it made Austria's hair make a funny 'sproing' when he stopped holding it down. Unfortunately, what the older nation was saying wasn't very fun.
"And you know another problem with a big house? All the children in it want to become the most favored children, so they fight all the time."
"I know, big sis Hungary said everyone was angry with Austria..."
"If only it was that easy! No, Ita-chan, they're angry with me and Holy Roman Empire, and each other and probably you and Hungary too!"
"Me?? But, but why..." Italy almost felt like crying. Why was anyone angry at him? He had never hurt them!
"Because you didn't defeat me, if they are Italian. Or because you aren't contributing enough, Ita-chan!"
"Sorry?" Italy said meekly.
"You should be." Austria pushed up his glasses again, looking very upset. "Do you know that I had one of Hungary's people here, complaining because they hadn't received money they were promised?"
"No..."
"Then I suppose," Austria said in a forbidding tone, "that you also don't know that Hungary couldn't give them that money because you hadn't been out doing your work, and she had to cover for you!"
"Oh no!" Italy felt his eyes tear up. Poor Hungary, who was always so kind to him! And he hadn't even considered what would happen that day or how come Austria hadn't scolded him for not working!
"I'm so sorry, Austria!" he cried and buried his face against the other nation's legs. "Please don't scold sister Hungary ! I'll work really hard, I will and I'll earn lots and lots of money! Please!"
"Am I really that much of an ogre towards you, Ita-chan?" Austria murmured softly as he stroked the smaller nation's hair. He sighed and straightened, releasing Italy.
"I'm glad you understand now, Ita-chan. Because you do, right?"
Italy nodded frantically against Austria's leg.
"Good. Then, tomorrow - it's too late to go out today, so stay here and clean - I want you to go to France. You've been doing this for a few days now, he can't be that bad..."
Italy sniffled, but quickly wiped his nose on a sleeve and tried to look serious. He would go to France and make lots of money. Then he would invite big sis Hungary and her people for a wonderful pasta-dinner as thank you!
"I promise, I'll make lots of money from France!" he said, looking adorably earnest.
Smiling gently, Austria released him. "Wonderful. Now hurry off to work, I have some more problems to deal with." Suddenly, he looked thoughtful. "By the way, Ita-chan, you haven't heard any mentions of Prussia's whereabouts while you were out?"
"Uhm. Uh," Italy stammered, "why do you want to know, Austria?"
"He's gone missing." Said with a heavy sigh. "Just like him, the troublemaker. Oh well, he'll turn up like a bad coin, he always does in the end. Now run along."
"Yes, Austria! I'll be really good from now on."
"That's good, Ita-chan. I'm counting on you."
[Day Six]
It was a very determined Ita-chan who set out for France just after dawn. He was followed by his new kitty, who mewled encouragement whenever Italy had to ask for directions.
"Hi, big brother France!" Italy called as he saw the blond nation after a few hours.
"Well, well, if it isn't my dear Ita-chan!" France smiled at the young nation. "Sit down, have some breakfast!" he waved a croissant. "And what can I help you with today, my dear?"
Italy patted some road-dust from his pink skirt. It was beginning to look a bit worn after all the traveling around Europe he had done, but it was still very cute.
"I'm here to sell my body," Italy said, "how much money will you give me for it?"
France snorted coffee through his nose. "Bhat did you bay?" he coughed while wiping his nose with a lacy handkerchief.
"I have to sell my body, to earn money for Austria! Otherwise poor Hungary has to give away her money and I'm being a bad nation..." Italy's lip quivered.
"Wait, wait! Austria told you to come here and sell your body, to me?"
"Yes. Um," Italy looked down at his toes. Maybe the dress really was too dusty by now? "If you want it?"
"Heh. Heheheeheee..."
[Meanwhile, somewhere in one of the German states]
"He wants my Italy to do WHAT???"
"Yep. Probably cracked from too much piano music."
"Bu- but, Italy! She's so innocent and pure and- I have to stop her!"
"Atta boy! So let's ditch this war and go kick that child-molesting pervert's ass."
"No! I need to find Italy and save her before she is molested! My Italyyyy..."
"Yeah, yeah... Hey, how bout this? You do the saving, I'll take care of the asskicking. It will, heh, be my pleasure."
France had told Italy to take it easy and relax in the bath until he came. It was very nice to bath and France had lots of rose smelling bubbles to play with in his bath water. Italy was happily having a splash war with himself when France entered.
"Hiii, Ita-chan," he said and grinned so widely that Italy wondered if he was going to bite him. "Why don't you come here and wash my back for me, huh?"
"Okay, big brother France!"
"Please, you can call me just big brother now," France said.
Italy took up the soap and tried to reach France's shoulder, only he was a bit too short. When he took hold of France's arm to pull himself up, the other nation twitched so violently that Italy fell into the water with a great big splash.
"Wah, help, big blrbr-" Italy tried to say, only he ended up with a mouthful of soapy water.
"Oh God!" France pressed a towel to stop the sudden rush of flood from his nose. Just one glimpse of Ita-chan's butt and he was unmade! If this continued, he wouldn't ever survive a whole-
"Oh God!" France yelled as he realized the truth behind Austria's nefarious plan. "He wants me to bleed to death! And then..."
Leaving a very surprised Italy behind, France rushed out of the bath, spreading soapy water and bubbles everywhere.
"To arms, Frenchmen!" he yelled. "The Austrians are coming!"
"Er... Big brother? France?"
"Italy," France said in a very severe voice when he finally returned. He had dried off a little, but was still all naked and Italy giggled a little at the two servants who followed him, holding up protective towels. Big brother was so silly sometimes!
"Italy, I hope you were not aware of Austria's foul deceit?"
"...no?" Italy wasn't quite certain what a 'fowl decit' was, but Austria hadn't told him about one at least.
"Good. Excellent. Then, my dear Ita-chan, I must tearfully bid you farewell for now." France shivered weirdly and turned around while the servants helped Italy out of the bath and gave him his dress back.
"Resist, Francis, resist!" he muttered to himself.
"Once I have taken care of that backstabbing cur, rest assured that I will give all my attention to deflowering you, my sweet Ita-chan."
"But I like flowers..."
"Trust me, my darling, you will like this too! Oh... just one won't hurt!"
France smiled and kissed Italy on the lips. Now, Italy was pretty used to kisses, both his grandfather and Hungary were fond of kissing him, but they didn't tend to be this wet. Or go on for so long. He was squirming a bit when France suddenly got another nosebleed and released him while saying a really bad word that Italy pretended he hadn't heard. Then he told him to run along and tell Austria that he was on to him.
Even if Italy had been touched a little, he had the feeling that it wasn't the moment to ask for money right now, so he hurried away instead. At least he got a nice, hot bath...
[Day Seven]
"Hungary! Where is your cavalry!" Austria yelled. Italy had come home yesterday, freshly scrubbed but with something that looked suspiciously much like a blood stain on his dress and Hungary had whisked him away immediately. Her burning eyes had intimidated even Austria and he had even forgotten to ask for the money! As it turned out, Italy had brought something much worse instead...
"What is it, Austria?" Hungary asked sullenly. She was really getting too uppity lately!
"France is about to declare war on me!" Austria waved accusingly at Italy who had climbed up into a chair with his kitten clutched closed and looked adorably worried. "It's all Ita-chan's fault, he didn't even manage to seduce that pervert!"
KA-KLAANG~
Italy eyes went biiig as Hungary screamed like a true Magyar warrior and attacked Austria with her frying pan.
"Wha- Ahh! Hungaaargh!"
"You. Greedy. BASTARD!"
Italy had hid behind the chair, the kitten had hid behind Italy and Austria was lying defeated on the ground while Hungary held his collar in a tight grip, the frying pan still hefted dangerously above Austria's head.
"This," she hissed, "was not Italy's fault. Nor is it France's or Russia's fault. Do you know whose fault it is, Mister Austria?"
"M-" Austria gulped and tried to focus his eyes. "Maybe mine?"
"Maybe..."
Then Hungary drew a deep breath, put the frying pan down and turned to Italy. "Now, Ita-chan, dearest. What exactly happened with France?"
Italy told her, again, while Austria dragged himself off the floor. He looked at Hungary with a new respect in his eyes before he staggered into the main piano room, his curl drooping pathetically all the while.
"Ita-chan," Hungary finally said, "this isn't at all your fault. Maybe we can even fix it without fighting, huh?"
"O-okay, Hungary," Italy said and reached out a trembling hand for her. Since she didn't kill him with a cooking item, but smiled kindly and took his hand, he even dared to follow her.
Austria was sitting at the piano and playing a mournful funeral march. He had a huge bump on the head from where Hungary's frying pan of righteous anger had impacted, his glasses were crooked and Italy thought that he had never looked this worried before.
"Do you think you can forgive him, Ita-chan?"
"What?" Italy looked at Hungary in confusion. "I'm fine, big sis Hungary! Please don't be angry with Austria for my sake."
"Oh, you are too good... Well." Hungary shook her head and went up to Austria, a strange smile on her face. "I guess I can't stay angry with him for long either."
Austria shuddered slightly when Hungary came close, but finished his tune. Then he turned to Italy, looking very serious.
"Italy. Hungary. I think..." he pushed his glasses up a little and Mariazell stood straighter. "I think I have made a grave mistake. Can you forgive me?"
"Ve?"
Austria patted Italy's head. "You don't have to sell yourself any more, Ita-chan... I'll just find some other way for you to be useful."
"Oh, Mister Austria!" Hungary relaxed a little. "I knew you would see reason sooner or later!"
"Everything is just so expensive lately," Austria began, "that I thought-" Before he had a chance to finish, a canon ball flew through the window and landed smack dab in his piano, the boom drowning out any words Austria had been about to say.
Once the smoke and noise had cleared away, Italy saw Austria just gaping in shock.
"Oh dear..." Hungary shook Austria carefully, seeing how his hands were still hovering over the rubble heap that had once been a grand piano. "Mister Austria?"
"Austria?" Italy piped up. He hoped the larger nation hadn't actually died.
"Auuuustriiiaaaa!" the cry was vengeful, passionate and quite high-pitched. The Holy Roman Empire rushed in, face a furious red and his sword waving dangerously around him. "What have you done with my Italy!" he screamed and prepared to attack Austria's knees. Before he got even one hit in, though, Hungary's frying pan came down in a perfect block.
"Holy Roman Empire!" Italy ran over and gave his friend a tight hug! "You've returned!"
"It- ita- itaaaahhhh..." The Holy Roman Empire turned bright red, dropped his sword and kind of fell together over Italy, crying and blushing and, strangely enough, trying to comfort him. "Oh, my dear Italy! You must have suffered so! Waaaah~"
Italy was very confused, but hugged his best friend anyway.
"Hey, Austria!" another voice called and Prussia climbed in through the broken window. "There's more where those came from, you child-molesting aristo-ass."
"Prussia?" Hungary looked very surprised to see the albino. "Where have you been hiding?"
"Trying to stop this pervert and his twisted plans, of course!" Prussia actually looked upset with Hungary. "How could you agree to it?"
"What?"
"To his plan to sell poor Italy into sodomy and sin!" Prussia slashed down an offending painting of an Austrian king with his sword and, for good measure, spit at the pieces. "I found out about it and went to get the brat to stop him. This is his house, after all, even if he's not much use otherwise..."
"You. My. Piano!" Austria seemed to be coming out of his shock slowly, but his hands were beginning to make choking motions as he watched the grinning Prussian.
"What of it, pervert?"
"Um, Prussia," Hungary whispered, "that's very good of you, but we've kind of already solved the situation..."
"Hahahaha! No! I won't rest as long as this cur still calls himself the master of this house!" Prussia hefted his sword. "Prepare yourself, loser!"
"You imbecile," Austria growled and pushed Hungary away, "what have you done with my piano!"
"Firewood?"
At that moment, another nation joined the almost overcrowded room. Spain of all people kicked the door opened, beaming like the sun. "AUSTRIA!" he said, laughing in an almost drunken way, "Do you know what? Do you?"
"No, Spain, I don't," the frazzled aristocrat growled, trying to keep his temper under control. "As you may see, I'm a little bit busy right now."
"But I was wrong about Romano! My boss hasn't turned him into a small, angry whore!"
Upon those words, the Holy Roman Empire squeaked in embarrassment and put his hands over Italy's ears. "You shouldn't listen to this kind of talk, Ita-chan!"
Prussia meanwhile did a weird kind of grasping 'I can't believe I just heard that'-motion while Austria closed his eyes. He felt an impending headache of epic proportion and it wasn't only because the explosion had bent the frame in his glasses and made him go half-deaf.
"Spain," Hungary said, her fingers playing nervously on the frying pan, "what exactly do you mean?"
Laughing and completely ignoring how close he was to getting his head broken open with a good piece of cast-iron, Spain hugged her tight.
"He forced Romano to open a restaurant!" The Spaniard twirled Hungary around in a joyful dance. "And do you know? Romano was angry with me, because I hadn't been there to taste his cooking yet! Isn't it splendid?"
"Restaurant!" Austria asked, seeing his last justification fall. Oh dear, he thought, there may be frying pans in my future.
"Restaurant?" The Holy Roman Empire echoed and released the protesting Italy and his ears.
"I'm still gonna kick Austria's ass," Prussia informed them all.
"By the way," Spain looked momentarily troubled, but the smile soon broke through again. "You are aware that Russia has come visiting? He brought a lot of friends too..."
[The End]
Author: Dr. Susan Calvin
Fandom: Axis Powers Hetalia
Characters: Chibitalia, Austria, Hungary, HRE, Spain, Prussia, Russia, Greece, Bulgaria, France and a cat.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Crack. Pure, utter crack. And Spain and France have a thing for little nations...
Summary: Austria decides that since Chibitalia isn't much good as a maid, he'll earn his keep otherwise. Inspired from Spain, he decides to pimp him out to all of Europe! Will Italy ever understand what he is meant to do? Will Spain ever afford a night with Romano? And what happens when the Holy Roman Empire discovers what's going on?
Note: Originally written for the kink-meme. Now with a lot less spelling errors!
I love comments! Gimme, please ^_^
The price of love is a Spaghetti Bolognese
Two nations were sitting outside a small Viennese inn, although only one of them seemed to be even remotely enjoying his wine.
"It's horrible," Spain moaned into his glass, "now we are in so much debt that my boss is even forcing me to... Oh, no, I can not speak of it! My poor little Italia!"
"What do you mean?" Austria asked. "Has your boss finally managed to find a way to extract something useful from those lazy Italians?"
"No, no," Spain shook his head, "I'll not spread his shame further!"
Austria's eyes gleamed in a decidedly unfriendly way behind his steel-rimmed spectacles. "Oh no?" he purred. "And what if I demand prompt payment of those little loans...?"
"You wouldn't!"
"Try me. If you dare."
With a deep sigh, Spain sunk down into an even more miserable heap. How did he end up in these situations? The wine he had drunk, currently his fourth bottle, might have something to do with it of course.
"Ah, you're a cruel country, Austria! See, Italy Romano was rude to me couple a days ago an' the boss overheard. So, then he says conquered nations oughtta know their place."
"I like him already," Austria said with a cold smile.
"And then... and then, then he said!" Spain shuddered. "Oh, the saints preserve him, my poor innocent little Italia!"
Now, Austria had never been the most patient man around and he had already listened to Spain moan his way through an entire afternoon. This was truly the end of his endurance for self-pity. "Well, tell! What did your boss decide?"
"Said the boy oughtta put his mouth to better use! An' now he's forcing my poor Romany to walk the streets, like some cheep tart!" Spain finished with a howl of sorrow.
Well. That was a bit more drastic than Austria had expected. He opened his mind to inquire whether the scheme had become a financial success or not, when a teary-eyed Spain said,
"And the worst thing? I'm too poor to buy even half an hour with him! When there's practically a line around the block!"
A-ha.
"So tell me Spain, exactly how did you convince your boy to agree to this, hmm?"
"So there you have it, Ita-chan. In this household, everyone has to help out. Now that your older brother is becoming a useful little nation as well, I think the time has come for you too to take responsibility," Austria finished his explanation.
The small nation of Italy looked adorably clueless. Why hadn't he thought of this before, Austria idly wondered. That cute, vacant stare. The girlish voice, coupled with a blushing innocence; his Ita-chan would have an incredible allure on the perverts of Europe.
"So, if I do what they want, I get pasta?" Ita-chan said, focusing on the one part he had understood.
"Exactly." Austria nodded. "If you keep it up one week, I will personally call over an Italian chef to make you the finest pasta in my empire!"
"Ohh..." Poor Italy had been pasta-starved for years and years and yeeeeaaars. "Okay, Austria, then I'll-"
"Stop!" Hungary cried, finally unable to hold her peace. "Mister Austria, please, you can't do this to Ita-chan. How can you be so cruel to a child?"
"I am not cruel," Austria said, "I'm practical."
Cuddling the small nation close, Hungary glared at Austria. "Begging your pardon, mister Austria, but you are being blinded by greed! Ita-chan doesn't even understand what he's agreeing to, do you my dear?"
Italy looked even more worried and thus exponentially cuter. "There are people who want to touch me and want me to touch them... and after everyone is done, they'll be happy and I'll get pasta?"
"See?" Hungary said.
"He'll learn by experience," Austria snapped and pushed up his glasses. "Frankly, Hungary, I have been feeding this freeloader who can barely - barely, I say! - hold a broom for too long already. If he doesn't start working tomorrow, there'll be no food for Ita-chan whatsoever!"
"No, no, please Austria! I'll be a good Italy! Please let me walk on the streets and touch people happily!"
"Don't worry. You will soon have your chance..."
[Day One]
The sun was shining, the birds where trilling and a morose Italy was walking the northern areas of Austria looking for people to Se dulce, as Austria wanted.
His master nation had muttered something about "keeping up appearances" and told him not to work near Vienna. But there was one big problem keeping him from a pasta-filled future. There were hardly any people here!
"Hello, little bird," he asked one feathered little bard, "do you know anyone with money who wants to become happy with me?" The bird only chirped at him and then flew off.
At least big sis Hungary had given him a pretty new dress. It was all pink and ruffly! He just wondered why she had kept sniffling and hugging him all the time.
"Perhaps she knew that I wouldn't find anyone," Italy sighed, "and then I won't get any pasta."
Oh, that thought was horrible! When he could almost taste the smell of fresh pasta with ripe tomatoes and the sauces, oh there were so many wonderful pasta sauces in Italy...
"But I can't clean and I can't sew and I can't sell myself and now Austria won't give me any food at all! Waaaaahhh~"
"Ey, what're you crying about, shrimp?"
Italy jumped at least two feet when he heard another voice resound through the empty mountain valleys. He cowered in fright as the owner of the rough voice approached, but couldn't help peeking through his fingers. There, Italy saw pair of shiny black cavalry boots and the tip of a sword, before he was grabbed by the collar and hoisted into the air.
"Why, if it isn't Ita-chan!" A big red-eyed, white-haired nation smiled at him. After a moment of terror (was someone going to steal him again?) Italy remembered Hungary's description of a seldom-visiting member of their household.
"P- Prussia?"
"That's right. What are you doing here, hmm?" Prussia asked and grinned even wider. "Not trying to run away, I hope."
"Oh no. No!" Italy shook his head violently. "I'm here to sell my body! Do you want to buy it?"
Thump! Italy dropped to the ground and, oww-ing all the while, looked up at Prussia with hurt eyes. Now what had he done wrong?
For a moment, it looked as if Prussia had eaten something horrible. His mouth fell open and he became a funny red color in the face, seeming to choke on the air. Then he recovered with gusto.
"WHAT!?"
Shivering in fear, Italy explained.
Unfortunately, Prussia did not say 'Of course I'll help you get pasta, you adorable little nation' and pet his hair (Italy wasn't certain how you touched someone 'good', but he had liked it when Grandpa Rome ruffled his hair) so he could eat pasta. Instead, he began walking around in a circle, cursing Austria.
"But," Italy tried, "I agreed! I'll get pasta for it!"
"I'll give him some bloody pasta, up his bloody ass! Perverted child-molesting asshole!"
"No," he begged, "please don't fight with Austria."
For a moment, Prussia looked as if he was about to become all scary again, then he crouched down until the two nations were looking at each other face to face.
"Listen here, Ita-chan. Austria is doing a bad, bad thing. I can't stop him, yet… but I'll go get someone who can."
"But my pas-"
"Kiddo, trust me. Even if it's hard to believe, there are things more important in life than pasta."
This was a statement Italy was very suspicious of. "Really?"
The older nation just laughed. "I know getting into trouble with Austria is no fun, so here," he gave Italy a small but heavy purse, "just tell him you met a man you didn't recognize, who bought you for this."
"Oh thank you! But... shouldn't I touch you then?"
Prussia blushed. For a moment, he looked very much like his younger brother. Then he put a large hand on Italy's head and gave him a quick kiss on the forehead. "There."
"Thank you, Prussia!" Italy said happily. "You're just as nice as the Holy Roman Empire."
Prussia mock-frowned. "'mnotnice," he mumbled, his blush deepening. "But, listen up!"
"Yes?"
"There's one thing you must do. Avoid the French border, you hear me?"
Austria had said yesterday that he thought big brother France might be interested. However, he'd also hurried to say, when Hungary glowered at him in a particularly dark way, that Italy should wait to go to France until he had more experience.
"Okay, I won't!" Italy promised, telling himself that if he just stayed away for a while, this wasn't really a fib.
"Great!" Prussia pushed his hat back at a jaunty angle and turned to go. "Keep out of trouble for a few days, Ita-chan. I'll get someone who'll fix this for you!"
"Okay. Thank you for the money, Prussia! Bye-bye!" Italy turned to walk homewards to Vienna, happy with the day's earnings.
Sometime later, he was back at the Holy Roman Empire's house and Austria hurried to inspect the contents of Prussia's purse. Although, of course, Italy made sure not to tell him whom he had received the money from.
"Not bad for your first customer, Ita-chan," Austria said when he was done. "But really, you could only find one buyer..." He trailed off as he felt Hungary's tear-filled but increasingly furious glare bear down on him. She was really forgetting her place here, he thought.
"I had to walk really far," Italy complained, "and there were hardly any people there!"
"There's always France," Austria said. "Hm."
Perhaps if he showed Hungary that their little maid wasn't suffering from this - his grandpa had been a well-known hedonist, after all - she would forgive him. "Well done," he said and mustered a kindly smile. "This is a good start. I will ask them to give you an extra helping of food tonight."
"Thank you, Austria!" Italy said happily. Yay, more dinner for him!
"It didn't. You know, hurt?" Austria asked carefully.
Italy shook his head happily. Even if Prussia had looked a little scary, he had been really nice in the end.
"There, you see, Hungary? Out Ita-chan is doing just fine!"
Hungary didn't say anything, only stomped off and muttered something about weeding the yard. Oh well, she'd get over it, Austria was certain.
"But I expect you to bring in at least a bit more than this tomorrow, do you understand, Ita-chan?"
"But Austriaaaaaa~"
"No whining! Spain was just telling me," sobbing brokenly was more like it, "that your brother manages at least twenty customers each day!"
[Day Two]
The next day, Italy headed north-east. Hungary had absolutely forbidden him from going into her land and since he promised Prussia not to go to France, he decided to walk in the other direction.
Soon, the valleys and mountains of Austria's lands gave way to golden fields of wheat. There were a lot of farmers around, but none of them had money to buy Italy.
"My feet hurt," Italy whined to the small spring he was resting at. "I've walked and walked all day and I can't find anyone! Soon I'll probably come to the North pole."
"Oh no," a soft voice called from behind him, "the North pole is still very far away. Why, you haven't even reached my home yet, little one."
Italy looked around. Behind him was a very tall, but gentle-looking nation. "Hello," he said, "how do you do? I am Italy."
"Hi. I'm Russia," the other nation said, "and this is my horse. We just stopped to drink here, and then I saw you, child."
"Hi Russia's horse." Italy waved at the horse. "Um, is this your country, Russia?"
Russia smiled. "In the end, all countries will be mine... But, right now it belongs to some friends of mine. I'm looking for them, in fact."
"I see. I live with Austria and the Holy Roman Empire and big sis Hungary."
That made Russia open his eyes wide in surprise. "Then what are you doing here?" he asked, "It is not like Austria to let his family wander off too far."
"Uhm, well," Italy fidgeted a little, "I'm working as a maid there. But I'm not very good..."
The horse had finished drinking and was starting to nip at the grass, so Russia plopped down besides Italy. "There are some things I'm not very good at either, little one," he confided. "Always, I try to keep my friends close, but they leave me. Then I become sad."
"Oh, that must be lonely," Italy said. "My brother is living with Spain now and my grandpa has disappeared. I wonder where he went..."
"Poor little Italy. Families should be together."
"I have one very good friend," Italy continued, "but he has to go out and fight a lot nowadays. I'm worried about the Holy Roman Empire, I wish he stayed home and painted with me instead."
"Ah, the angry little boy, yes? I think I have met him some time."
"But, Russia!"
"Yes, little one?"
So excited was Italy, that the words almost stumbled over each other falling from his mouth. "I have a new work now. Austria wants me to sell myself, he said that will make people happy. So if I sell me to you, then you'll be less lonely and I'll get money and maybe everyone will stop fighting so much. And then Austria will feed me delicious pasta!"
Blink. Blink.
"Don't you think that's a great idea?"
"Well," the larger nation began, "if he really wants to sell you, I do have a nice big home..."
"No, silly," Italy laughed, "not like that. We just, like, do things for an hour or so that feel nice."
Austria had specifically made clear that he was not to spend more than one hour with each customer, without demanding extra payment.
"Are you telling me the truth, little one?"
"Yes. I sold myself to Prussia yesterday, but I think he was in a hurry because he only gave me one kiss. But," Italy hurried to say, "I can give you many more nice touches."
For a moment, Russia looked very serious. It made him look a lot older, and a bit sad too so Italy thought it was a good idea that he would soon cheer Russia up. Then, the other nation's smile slid back onto his face, only now Italy thought it looked a bit odd. It was like when Grandpa Rome had said that his scars didn't hurt and Italy should just go on playing, almost. Italy just hoped Russia wasn't hurting anywhere!
"Okay, little one. Maybe you can tell me a story of your country?" Russia tilted his head and the smile grew a bit warmer. "I heard it is very sunny and pretty."
"Sure! Should I touch you somehow?"
"This is good, I think." Russia opened his thick coat and laid down with his head in Italy's lap. "I love to hear about warm places," he whispered, and smiled up at the small nation. "And I think I like you!"
So Italy told all the stories he could remember that Grandpa Rome used to tell, as well as some about his and Romano's adventures when they had still been together. After a while, Russia took his small hand in his own, which was very large and cool, and held it softly.
"...and then they lived happily ever after!" Italy finished the latest story. He was beginning to get tired in the throat and the sun was slowly sinking beneath the horizon. "Russia, I think I have to go home now," he said with a yawn.
"Mmm, I have to go too, if I am ever to find my friends." Russia got up and took out some money. "Here you go, child; the stories were very nice."
"Thank you so much," Italy gushed. Wow, this was even more money than yesterday!
"When I have taken care of my business here," Russia called as he rode away, "I will come and visit you, little Italy! I want to show you my house soon!"
"Do that!" Italy said and waved happily. "I want to hear your stories too!"
Then he turned around and looked southwards. Oh dear, it was a very long way to go. Maybe some nice farmer could him a ride for a bit of the way?
"Ita-chan! Oh my dear Ita-chan, where have you been?" Hungary cried, as the young nation finally stumbled home well after midnight.
"Ita-chan..." Austria was looking slightly more wide-eyed than usual. When he realized that Italy was unhurt, he quickly hid the lantern he had brought to go search for his lost maid. "Where have you been? Do you know what time it is!"
"Sorry," Italy mumbled and yawned, "it went dark so quickly and then I got lost..."
"Come, dear," Hungary said, "some hot milk will do you good!" She fussed over Italy in a manner Austria soon began to find excessive, but he kept silent until she went to prepare Italy's bed.
"Did you at least earn something today? Look how much you made Hungary worry."
"Ve?" It was a very tired little nation sitting in front of Austria.
"I asked if you earned something, Ita-chan."
"Oh... Mmhm." Italy fumbled with his apron a little and then brought up the money.
"Good work, Ita-chan," Austria said, "this looks like quite the -" the coins spilled out on the table and Austria's smile froze.
"It's ready for you now, Ita-chan," Hungary called as she came back, "so let's get you into bed." She looked between the two, wondering what had changed between the asleep in his chair Italy and the trembling Austria. "Is everything all right, Mister Austria?"
"WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU CARRYING RUSSIAN MONEY?"
[Day Three]
Italy was so exhausted that he didn't wake up until after noon. However, since Austria was busy with a frenzied reorganization of his defenses (shifting them further east, for some reason) he took no notice.
In the evening, Austria looked down on a very meager stack of copper coins and gave an annoyed little huff. "Is this truly all Ita-chan earned today?"
Hungary nodded. "He woke up late," she said, staring at her feet.
"At least he hasn't been lazing about all day! But he'll have to do better tomorrow."
This time, Hungary said nothing, only clenched her apron tighter. Her own wages were very low, but she just hadn't had the heart to send poor Ita-chan out when he looked so piteously upon her. Oh, if only the Holy Roman Empire could come home soon and put a stop to this idiotic scheme! But he was involved in some stupid war in some stupid place nobody even really knew where and Hungary didn't have enough to bribe someone to send a message and keep quit about it before Austria.
[Day Four]
Today, Italy had been woken at dawn by an almost enthusiastic Austria. "The Ottomans! Why didn't I think of that, they're supposed to like little boys. And they have lots of money too."
Thus it was decided that Italy would go to the Ottoman Empire. He could even get a ride part of the way with some traders.
"Greece is a nice country, Ita-chan," Hungary whispered to him while she was packing some lunch for him. "He's living with the Ottoman now. See if you can find him first!"
Italy promised to be back before dark and left with the travelers, waving to Hungary until she disappeared behind a hilltop. Mm, good thing he was small enough to sleep among the stacks of fine fabric leaving Vienna.
"Hello?" he called into a grove of olive trees about an hour after he had been dropped off by the tradesmen. "Is there anyone called Greece here?"
No nation showed up, but two sleepy-looking cats blinked at Italy with cool green eyes.
"Hi, kitties," Italy said. "Do you like dried fish? Hungary gave some to me, but i think it tastes really bad..."
The cats did in fact like dried fish. After they had eaten, they rubbed themselves against his legs and purred loudly.
"Oh! You are so cute kitties! Say, you don't know where Greece is?"
The largest cat seemed to consider for a moment, then hopped down on the pavement. It gave Italy a clear 'come on then, so I can go back to my much more important business of cat-napping'-look and Italy happily followed.
Quite soon, they came upon two nations. One lay sleeping, with at least four cats sprawled over him, while the other was throwing small sticks at him.
"Stop that," the nation on the ground said sleepily.
"Hahaha! Here come the troops of Alexander the Great!" A large pine cone almost hit one of the cats.
"He was Macedonian, you moron."
"So? Macedonia is pretty much mine today. And don't call me moron, moron."
"Ehm, excuse me..." Italy said, but the two nations paid him no attention.
"Hah!" The first nation lifted a kitty off his face and stuck his tongue out at the pine-cone-throwing one. "You belong to the Turk, so there." He had a very cute curl, which Italy thought looked a little as if his and Romano's curls were sitting back to back and sleeping.
"So do you!" the second nation retaliated and poked him on the nose with a stick.
"Excuse me?" Italy asked again.
This time, his guiding cat meowed regally, and the bickering nations turned around.
"Ehh? Who's this little guy?"
"Hi!" Italy said and smiled as bravely as he could. "I'm Italy. I live with Austria, the Holy Roman Empire and big sis Hungary."
"Hullo. I'm Greece," the nation with the curl said.
"And I'm the amazing Bulgaria! What're you doing here, squirt?"
"I came to sell my body! Austria said I should go to the Ottoman empire, but big sis Hungary thought I should look for Greece instead."
Greece twitched a little. "Wha- what? Why did she say that!"
"Ahaha, everyone knows you like boys, Greece!"
"Oh why don't you just 'bugger off', idiot!"
"Why you-"
Oh dear, Italy thought, this didn't look very promising. "Big sis Hungary said that it was because Greece was nice," he offered.
"Really?"
"Yes," Italy said, "she doesn't like that Austria makes me sell my body." He hadn't quite understood why she didn't like it, but since Hungary always looked out for him, he wanted to please her as much as possible.
Bulgaria scratched his head. "Yeah, you look awfully small for this kind of work... Come on, kiddo, give us the whole story."
After Italy had finished telling the two nations, Greece declared that he absolutely needed a kitten of his own. Meanwhile, Bulgaria decided that the damned Austrian might be worse than the damned Ottoman. Possibly. Slightly. Almost as bad, at least.
"So, do any of you want to buy me?" Italy said and played with his new cat. It was cute and brown and he wondered if the Holy Roman Empire wanted to help him think of a name.
"Sorry," Bulgaria said. "Can't help."
"See, we're both broke," Greece said, "we have to pay a lot of taxes."
"Oh..." Now what was he supposed to do? "I'll have to go on then."
"No!"
"You shouldn't!"
Both nations began talking at once, mainly about what a horrible person the Ottoman Empire was and how Austria was just being a silly, greedy person.
Then Greece said the magic word (not pasta, the other one. One of the other ones) and Italy realized that he really ought to stay. "Why don't you just join us for dinner?"
"Dinner?"
"Yeah, we have awesome food," Bulgaria agreed. "Have you ever had baklava?"
"Or moussaka?"
"Oh, you have to try my homemade yoghurt!"
"And ouzo!"
"She's a bit small for that, don't you think?"
"More ouzo for us then... But the olives are ripe now, you can try those, Italy."
"Thank you so much!" Italy was almost teary-eyed from gratitude. Food! That was even better than money. "Let me see what you have, maybe I can cook some Italian food as thank you?"
"Sounds great," Bulgaria laughed. "Come on, lazyass," he told Greece and gave the other man a hand to help him rise.
"Shut up, you idiot. Besides, Hungary said Italy should come to me for help."
"Ah, but where would you be without me?"
"Much better off..."
[Day Five]
"I'm sorry, Austria."
"You'd better be! You wasted an entire day and you didn't even earn one dinar!"
"But, but I got a kitty?"
"Oh yes, excellent," Austria snapped, "because one more mouth to feed is just what we need in this household."
"It's a cute kitty..."
The spectacled nation had been lecturing Italy ever since he got home from Greece. While he was forced to accept that it was really too far to go to Turkey, if that's where the Ottoman Empire was currently residing (and had planned to stay for a while, according to Greece and Bulgaria), he still saw no reason for Italy to give up that easily.
When he got home, Italy found himself shut up in the familiar dark room, but since he was well-filled from the de~licious picknick, this hadn't bothered him much. That Austria was still very upset the next day, however, did.
Sighing, Austria went down on a knee in front of the small nation. "Look, Ita-chan," he said, "you have to understand that I'm not just making you do this because I think it's fun."
"I know, Austria," Italy said and looked down at his toes, cradling his cat close. "I have to earn money."
"Yes, but do you know why?" As the small nation opened his mouth to answer, Austria quickly cut him off. "And the answer is not to buy pasta!"
"Um... then I don't know."
Getting up, Austria strode over to his desk. "See here, Ita-chan, look at this map."
Italy looked at the map. It was mappy.
"This is the Holy Roman Empire, which we're all part of."
"Wow, it's a big house!"
"Yes, and you know the problem with big houses? They're expensive to run. And because our little wannabe empire spends all his time fighting or making cows-eyes at you, who do you think has to take care of the finances? And, frankly, everything else here."
"Um... Austria?"
"That's right." Austria ran a hand through his hair, which Italy found very amusing, because it made Austria's hair make a funny 'sproing' when he stopped holding it down. Unfortunately, what the older nation was saying wasn't very fun.
"And you know another problem with a big house? All the children in it want to become the most favored children, so they fight all the time."
"I know, big sis Hungary said everyone was angry with Austria..."
"If only it was that easy! No, Ita-chan, they're angry with me and Holy Roman Empire, and each other and probably you and Hungary too!"
"Me?? But, but why..." Italy almost felt like crying. Why was anyone angry at him? He had never hurt them!
"Because you didn't defeat me, if they are Italian. Or because you aren't contributing enough, Ita-chan!"
"Sorry?" Italy said meekly.
"You should be." Austria pushed up his glasses again, looking very upset. "Do you know that I had one of Hungary's people here, complaining because they hadn't received money they were promised?"
"No..."
"Then I suppose," Austria said in a forbidding tone, "that you also don't know that Hungary couldn't give them that money because you hadn't been out doing your work, and she had to cover for you!"
"Oh no!" Italy felt his eyes tear up. Poor Hungary, who was always so kind to him! And he hadn't even considered what would happen that day or how come Austria hadn't scolded him for not working!
"I'm so sorry, Austria!" he cried and buried his face against the other nation's legs. "Please don't scold sister Hungary ! I'll work really hard, I will and I'll earn lots and lots of money! Please!"
"Am I really that much of an ogre towards you, Ita-chan?" Austria murmured softly as he stroked the smaller nation's hair. He sighed and straightened, releasing Italy.
"I'm glad you understand now, Ita-chan. Because you do, right?"
Italy nodded frantically against Austria's leg.
"Good. Then, tomorrow - it's too late to go out today, so stay here and clean - I want you to go to France. You've been doing this for a few days now, he can't be that bad..."
Italy sniffled, but quickly wiped his nose on a sleeve and tried to look serious. He would go to France and make lots of money. Then he would invite big sis Hungary and her people for a wonderful pasta-dinner as thank you!
"I promise, I'll make lots of money from France!" he said, looking adorably earnest.
Smiling gently, Austria released him. "Wonderful. Now hurry off to work, I have some more problems to deal with." Suddenly, he looked thoughtful. "By the way, Ita-chan, you haven't heard any mentions of Prussia's whereabouts while you were out?"
"Uhm. Uh," Italy stammered, "why do you want to know, Austria?"
"He's gone missing." Said with a heavy sigh. "Just like him, the troublemaker. Oh well, he'll turn up like a bad coin, he always does in the end. Now run along."
"Yes, Austria! I'll be really good from now on."
"That's good, Ita-chan. I'm counting on you."
[Day Six]
It was a very determined Ita-chan who set out for France just after dawn. He was followed by his new kitty, who mewled encouragement whenever Italy had to ask for directions.
"Hi, big brother France!" Italy called as he saw the blond nation after a few hours.
"Well, well, if it isn't my dear Ita-chan!" France smiled at the young nation. "Sit down, have some breakfast!" he waved a croissant. "And what can I help you with today, my dear?"
Italy patted some road-dust from his pink skirt. It was beginning to look a bit worn after all the traveling around Europe he had done, but it was still very cute.
"I'm here to sell my body," Italy said, "how much money will you give me for it?"
France snorted coffee through his nose. "Bhat did you bay?" he coughed while wiping his nose with a lacy handkerchief.
"I have to sell my body, to earn money for Austria! Otherwise poor Hungary has to give away her money and I'm being a bad nation..." Italy's lip quivered.
"Wait, wait! Austria told you to come here and sell your body, to me?"
"Yes. Um," Italy looked down at his toes. Maybe the dress really was too dusty by now? "If you want it?"
"Heh. Heheheeheee..."
[Meanwhile, somewhere in one of the German states]
"He wants my Italy to do WHAT???"
"Yep. Probably cracked from too much piano music."
"Bu- but, Italy! She's so innocent and pure and- I have to stop her!"
"Atta boy! So let's ditch this war and go kick that child-molesting pervert's ass."
"No! I need to find Italy and save her before she is molested! My Italyyyy..."
"Yeah, yeah... Hey, how bout this? You do the saving, I'll take care of the asskicking. It will, heh, be my pleasure."
France had told Italy to take it easy and relax in the bath until he came. It was very nice to bath and France had lots of rose smelling bubbles to play with in his bath water. Italy was happily having a splash war with himself when France entered.
"Hiii, Ita-chan," he said and grinned so widely that Italy wondered if he was going to bite him. "Why don't you come here and wash my back for me, huh?"
"Okay, big brother France!"
"Please, you can call me just big brother now," France said.
Italy took up the soap and tried to reach France's shoulder, only he was a bit too short. When he took hold of France's arm to pull himself up, the other nation twitched so violently that Italy fell into the water with a great big splash.
"Wah, help, big blrbr-" Italy tried to say, only he ended up with a mouthful of soapy water.
"Oh God!" France pressed a towel to stop the sudden rush of flood from his nose. Just one glimpse of Ita-chan's butt and he was unmade! If this continued, he wouldn't ever survive a whole-
"Oh God!" France yelled as he realized the truth behind Austria's nefarious plan. "He wants me to bleed to death! And then..."
Leaving a very surprised Italy behind, France rushed out of the bath, spreading soapy water and bubbles everywhere.
"To arms, Frenchmen!" he yelled. "The Austrians are coming!"
"Er... Big brother? France?"
"Italy," France said in a very severe voice when he finally returned. He had dried off a little, but was still all naked and Italy giggled a little at the two servants who followed him, holding up protective towels. Big brother was so silly sometimes!
"Italy, I hope you were not aware of Austria's foul deceit?"
"...no?" Italy wasn't quite certain what a 'fowl decit' was, but Austria hadn't told him about one at least.
"Good. Excellent. Then, my dear Ita-chan, I must tearfully bid you farewell for now." France shivered weirdly and turned around while the servants helped Italy out of the bath and gave him his dress back.
"Resist, Francis, resist!" he muttered to himself.
"Once I have taken care of that backstabbing cur, rest assured that I will give all my attention to deflowering you, my sweet Ita-chan."
"But I like flowers..."
"Trust me, my darling, you will like this too! Oh... just one won't hurt!"
France smiled and kissed Italy on the lips. Now, Italy was pretty used to kisses, both his grandfather and Hungary were fond of kissing him, but they didn't tend to be this wet. Or go on for so long. He was squirming a bit when France suddenly got another nosebleed and released him while saying a really bad word that Italy pretended he hadn't heard. Then he told him to run along and tell Austria that he was on to him.
Even if Italy had been touched a little, he had the feeling that it wasn't the moment to ask for money right now, so he hurried away instead. At least he got a nice, hot bath...
[Day Seven]
"Hungary! Where is your cavalry!" Austria yelled. Italy had come home yesterday, freshly scrubbed but with something that looked suspiciously much like a blood stain on his dress and Hungary had whisked him away immediately. Her burning eyes had intimidated even Austria and he had even forgotten to ask for the money! As it turned out, Italy had brought something much worse instead...
"What is it, Austria?" Hungary asked sullenly. She was really getting too uppity lately!
"France is about to declare war on me!" Austria waved accusingly at Italy who had climbed up into a chair with his kitten clutched closed and looked adorably worried. "It's all Ita-chan's fault, he didn't even manage to seduce that pervert!"
KA-KLAANG~
Italy eyes went biiig as Hungary screamed like a true Magyar warrior and attacked Austria with her frying pan.
"Wha- Ahh! Hungaaargh!"
"You. Greedy. BASTARD!"
Italy had hid behind the chair, the kitten had hid behind Italy and Austria was lying defeated on the ground while Hungary held his collar in a tight grip, the frying pan still hefted dangerously above Austria's head.
"This," she hissed, "was not Italy's fault. Nor is it France's or Russia's fault. Do you know whose fault it is, Mister Austria?"
"M-" Austria gulped and tried to focus his eyes. "Maybe mine?"
"Maybe..."
Then Hungary drew a deep breath, put the frying pan down and turned to Italy. "Now, Ita-chan, dearest. What exactly happened with France?"
Italy told her, again, while Austria dragged himself off the floor. He looked at Hungary with a new respect in his eyes before he staggered into the main piano room, his curl drooping pathetically all the while.
"Ita-chan," Hungary finally said, "this isn't at all your fault. Maybe we can even fix it without fighting, huh?"
"O-okay, Hungary," Italy said and reached out a trembling hand for her. Since she didn't kill him with a cooking item, but smiled kindly and took his hand, he even dared to follow her.
Austria was sitting at the piano and playing a mournful funeral march. He had a huge bump on the head from where Hungary's frying pan of righteous anger had impacted, his glasses were crooked and Italy thought that he had never looked this worried before.
"Do you think you can forgive him, Ita-chan?"
"What?" Italy looked at Hungary in confusion. "I'm fine, big sis Hungary! Please don't be angry with Austria for my sake."
"Oh, you are too good... Well." Hungary shook her head and went up to Austria, a strange smile on her face. "I guess I can't stay angry with him for long either."
Austria shuddered slightly when Hungary came close, but finished his tune. Then he turned to Italy, looking very serious.
"Italy. Hungary. I think..." he pushed his glasses up a little and Mariazell stood straighter. "I think I have made a grave mistake. Can you forgive me?"
"Ve?"
Austria patted Italy's head. "You don't have to sell yourself any more, Ita-chan... I'll just find some other way for you to be useful."
"Oh, Mister Austria!" Hungary relaxed a little. "I knew you would see reason sooner or later!"
"Everything is just so expensive lately," Austria began, "that I thought-" Before he had a chance to finish, a canon ball flew through the window and landed smack dab in his piano, the boom drowning out any words Austria had been about to say.
Once the smoke and noise had cleared away, Italy saw Austria just gaping in shock.
"Oh dear..." Hungary shook Austria carefully, seeing how his hands were still hovering over the rubble heap that had once been a grand piano. "Mister Austria?"
"Austria?" Italy piped up. He hoped the larger nation hadn't actually died.
"Auuuustriiiaaaa!" the cry was vengeful, passionate and quite high-pitched. The Holy Roman Empire rushed in, face a furious red and his sword waving dangerously around him. "What have you done with my Italy!" he screamed and prepared to attack Austria's knees. Before he got even one hit in, though, Hungary's frying pan came down in a perfect block.
"Holy Roman Empire!" Italy ran over and gave his friend a tight hug! "You've returned!"
"It- ita- itaaaahhhh..." The Holy Roman Empire turned bright red, dropped his sword and kind of fell together over Italy, crying and blushing and, strangely enough, trying to comfort him. "Oh, my dear Italy! You must have suffered so! Waaaah~"
Italy was very confused, but hugged his best friend anyway.
"Hey, Austria!" another voice called and Prussia climbed in through the broken window. "There's more where those came from, you child-molesting aristo-ass."
"Prussia?" Hungary looked very surprised to see the albino. "Where have you been hiding?"
"Trying to stop this pervert and his twisted plans, of course!" Prussia actually looked upset with Hungary. "How could you agree to it?"
"What?"
"To his plan to sell poor Italy into sodomy and sin!" Prussia slashed down an offending painting of an Austrian king with his sword and, for good measure, spit at the pieces. "I found out about it and went to get the brat to stop him. This is his house, after all, even if he's not much use otherwise..."
"You. My. Piano!" Austria seemed to be coming out of his shock slowly, but his hands were beginning to make choking motions as he watched the grinning Prussian.
"What of it, pervert?"
"Um, Prussia," Hungary whispered, "that's very good of you, but we've kind of already solved the situation..."
"Hahahaha! No! I won't rest as long as this cur still calls himself the master of this house!" Prussia hefted his sword. "Prepare yourself, loser!"
"You imbecile," Austria growled and pushed Hungary away, "what have you done with my piano!"
"Firewood?"
At that moment, another nation joined the almost overcrowded room. Spain of all people kicked the door opened, beaming like the sun. "AUSTRIA!" he said, laughing in an almost drunken way, "Do you know what? Do you?"
"No, Spain, I don't," the frazzled aristocrat growled, trying to keep his temper under control. "As you may see, I'm a little bit busy right now."
"But I was wrong about Romano! My boss hasn't turned him into a small, angry whore!"
Upon those words, the Holy Roman Empire squeaked in embarrassment and put his hands over Italy's ears. "You shouldn't listen to this kind of talk, Ita-chan!"
Prussia meanwhile did a weird kind of grasping 'I can't believe I just heard that'-motion while Austria closed his eyes. He felt an impending headache of epic proportion and it wasn't only because the explosion had bent the frame in his glasses and made him go half-deaf.
"Spain," Hungary said, her fingers playing nervously on the frying pan, "what exactly do you mean?"
Laughing and completely ignoring how close he was to getting his head broken open with a good piece of cast-iron, Spain hugged her tight.
"He forced Romano to open a restaurant!" The Spaniard twirled Hungary around in a joyful dance. "And do you know? Romano was angry with me, because I hadn't been there to taste his cooking yet! Isn't it splendid?"
"Restaurant!" Austria asked, seeing his last justification fall. Oh dear, he thought, there may be frying pans in my future.
"Restaurant?" The Holy Roman Empire echoed and released the protesting Italy and his ears.
"I'm still gonna kick Austria's ass," Prussia informed them all.
"By the way," Spain looked momentarily troubled, but the smile soon broke through again. "You are aware that Russia has come visiting? He brought a lot of friends too..."
[The End]